Thursday, August 11, 2005

The Elephant off my Back

This doesn't have anything to do with my back pain, but instead my identity in general.

Last night was both a relief and a reality check.

Over the last few months, a bunch of us (elders, youth coaches) have been praying through my role at Grace. Should I stay in student ministry AND do adult life groups and teach some on Sunday? Could I do that? What is God doing here? Where is He leading?

And so I did what most guys in my position would do - blow it off and let everyone else figure it out first. Then I had lunch with one the elders. Our meeting was to be secret. I inwardly grinned because I loved good gossip!!

Then he said this to me -
"I was wondering if you could explain something to me. A group of your peers AND your leaders have challenged you to pray through this. They see God doing something in the church and in you. You are having an itching to teach more. You reproduce leaders around you like crazy. You eat, drink, and sleep spiritual formation in a small group setting. Your best friends are seeing this in you.

And yet - you don't seem to really want it nor do you seem to be wrestling with it. All of that might be fine and good and part of the process but I am starting to question if you love student ministry more than Jesus."
The grinning stopped. I started arguing and defending myself. But the more I talked, the more I realized my friend had just stripped my heart naked. I do love student ministry.

But I really hadn't wrestled with it. So the last couple of months - we've done that.

And I think God won. he hehe..

I'll release student ministry into the capable of hands of Steve and Harry, to focus on adult Life Groups and teaching at Grace.

As we walked through the details with parents and students last night, the reality of it hit. I'm convinced that the move is exactly what God is telling us to do - so I don't have second thoughts on that...

But I still think there is no higher calling in or out of the church than student ministry.

It's the hardest, most rewarding job in the world. It's cross-cultural missions on hormonal steriods. It's the only place where the shots come from both sides - students and parents. It's thankless most of the time. The pay - if any - is horrific most of the time. It's time intensive and 'measured sucess' frustrating.

It's the time of life where there is more hope than jadedness, where dreams aren't completely sniffed out, where major life-changing decisions are made. The pace is ridiculous and fun. The laughter and the tears are both intense enough to rip you at the seams. It's where goofiness is rewarded with trust and vulnerability.

And yes - I do think student ministry in America needs a huge overhaul and rethinking but it is the frontline of a larger spiritual battle. It is needed more now than ever. And those called to it need to be deeper, gentler, more vulnerable, and more loving than ever.

And once it gets in you, it never leaves. And it won't really leave me either. I'm just going to get paid to do something else.

Here's to the new chapter for us at Grace and here's to the elephant off my back.

posted by Grant @ The Elephant off my Back on 8/11/2005 11:02:00 AM