'Roids and Bonds
I've been thinking about this whole baseball and steriods thing. Here are 10 things I would do if I were commissioner of baseball.1. Ban Barry Bonds, Giambi Twins (not really twins), Jose Conseco, and any other user from baseball for life.
2. Every stadium in the league would sell 7% of their stadiums capacity seats for 5 dollars or less and only be sold to Senior Citizens or parents with kids under 16.
3. The Macarena would be banned.
4. One drug test every 30 random days. Don't like? Start your own league and let 'em use the 'roids.
5. Commericial breaks every two innings. No more commercials between half innings. Use the cool green screen thing for ads on side or in the field for TV revenues, but don't stop the game.
6. Montreal Expos to Washington DC, Toronto Blue Jays in Jacksonville or New Orleans. Why? Canada keeps screwing up our game by putting out pathetic teams.
7. Every year the bottom place team in each league becomes a AAA team. Top two AAA teams get bumped up to majors.
8. No more artificial turf. Baseball is played on grass.
9. DH now stands for Double Header, not Designated Hitter. If you pitch, you hit.
10. Fans - you get same punishment as players if you approach, attack, or verbally abuse a player. Fined, suspended from ballpark, AND you have to play burnout with the player you verbally abused. (For those of you who have no idea what burnout is - it was the 'manly game' of catch with a small twist. You threw it at each other as hard as you could. First one to flinch, drop the ball, or quit because you hand was the size of a casaba melon was the loser.)
I will tackle the NFL tomorrow.
posted by Grant @ 'Roids and Bonds on 12/12/2004 01:50:00 AM
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